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Bottom up on top of the world
Into reverse forward to the future
Burning all bridges behind
Dancing in the ashes of forgetfulness
Meaningless happiness borne of travestia
Assimilating not growing up
Love is given to the highest bidder
But it's still not the soul mate,
Just a mate to appease natures punishments-
A sacrifice to the unknown
To recompense for internal lacking
All forgotten are the years of clinging to childhood's ashes.

6/?/99


The years of unanswered prayers,
Unfulfilled promises
And blatant deception
Have all made their mark
On a gullible child
Who has lost all faith,
Renounced all promises
And only believes what is touchable:
Himself.

6/7/99


After all, have we not all journeyed through life differently,
Yet we all reach the same destination.
In the end it is the journey that holds what was important,
Not the destination.

6/7/99


Pebbles burrowing into the crevices they made
On the bare feet that trampled them
Frolicking through the sea of sunshine
On a cloudy day
Where the wasps were flying high
And proud
Singing their buzzing song like they always do
Huddled around their gold enshrouded in their density.

Wandering eyes, wandering thoughts
Misguided ambitions
Lust for gold
Here we go
Pain-sold!

Swollen and blue
Crevices of red
This is what we can do
Poor guardians dead:
Slayed by the rapier of hope-
There is no more honey,
Only injured feet.

6/8/99


Luscious land o'er there
So oft have you been bare
In reserve unlimited
On the altar dies the lare
The belief crumbles to dust
Swept by the wind
My flesh kin to the world
Without a map tined
Spiraling into the future
Into reverse
Across the barrier
Dead as a martyr.

6/11/99


Up the stile
Over the edge, just a bit
Have we gone too far now?
Just when we were starting with
it
The throes of memories
Of those happy, careless days
Have all dissolved
Into a matter of what a burning inside seems to say.
A passion, directed at what
Going where?
I silently yell to the gods I killed
Then spite their abode
When the response never comes.
I dismantled faith in all things but myself,
I journeyed a million miles alone without moving an inch
I thought, I thought I could do it
'Just a few million more'
I vapidly said with thinning ambitions
Maybe I can
Even when the ants make me cower in fear
Because I do not know how to show my love.
And my world, again dissolves
Into something some thing a child sees
And stares at for hours
Perplexed by the simplest of things.

6/11/99

There are no means to measure the time
Day or year
It all has been melded into a blink
Of meaningless and forgettable memories
That make up life as I have come to (not) know it.

Each period of undistinguished time I learn,
I learn that I am behind in my learning,
Behind where I should be...
Behind what I think I am and want to be.

I am not what I am
Nor am I what I will be
There is no more me
There is only a reaction now.

6/14/99

Held in the mitt of an isolation
Borne and breed for a summer's nigh'
Deep in conceit
The seeds of my future lie.
Confounded to a box of brittle glass
That rests opaque
On the clay of my ambition
Enshrouded in a mundane, shedded haik.
Preceding the option of surrender
Comes the choice of war
We are not right
And to that we are willing to live for.

6/22/99

Too much time spent
Molding a shrine to the new vampire:
Life.

6/23/99

I do not think that words can express it
And if they can I will again find myself immersed in amazement
As I break away from the na´ve realism that is a foundation for all I know
And can hope to know.
It is rather easy to put aside the fundamentals and assume that they are known
But the simplest is often complex.
I am not.

6/26/99

If just for one day
I could cherish living
And forget all of the throes life has;
It would be a good day.
But my days of dreaming
Have been jaded by the pangs
Which stand concrete
As if they were pressing me like a witch.
Do I still have a choice?
Yes,
Do or die.

5/28/99

Hackneyed world!
Inanimate as you are,
Accurse, accursed you are
Withered mirror of mans hearts
Accurse, accursed you are!

Na´ve world
Is life a game?
Pardon me, as I place my blame
On your mirror of mans hearts
It is all of you I wish to blame.

Oh cruel world
Why must you be?
Accurse, a curse you put on me
Fortified mirror of my heart
Accurse, a curse you are me.

6/28/99

No, no that will not do.
Enough is enough
But this is not what it needs to be.
Think harder, work harder,
Can't you do anything
Besides sit here all day
And do nothing.
Be more like me,
Or him
Or your sister or brother
They're good role models
They respect their elders
And forfeit their rights
Why don't you?
It could be fun
We could make it a game
Lets wager
Oops, I win
Next time ask about the rules
Oh well
You live and learn
Wanna play again, wanna be a winner?
Go get that kid over there,
Teach him about role models.

6/28/99

Of all the years I've been watered and grown
I've learned a lot
And now know
Nothing is known.

6/30/99

Oh bore of a night
I give you a sigh
And a poem
To work my magic
To make things fun again.

6/30/99

The anaesthetic has emerged
Inject the apathy
Block out the distraction
Build the wall
And hide.
7/10/99

So much has it changed
The circumstances, the faces
But cunning the situation has been
Dodging change
And leaving me to ponder
If it will be this way forever.

7/17/99

I am not afraid of myself
I am afraid of who will become my mirror
For it is them I will love.

7/17/99

A smidgen of a birds eye view
From on the ground
Staring
Drug into the abyss
Of a fantasy world
Borne of the imagination
Funneled
Into the scope of reality
From a dried up water hole
Feet, scraping the earth mother scorched
But I have no complaint.

A wish fading, falling on the wind swept wasteland
Green bore brown
Antiquity
Aged to rust
Covered ideals
From childhood
Brought
Into the scope of reality
From the lego's and the blocks
Feet, scraping the earth mother scorched
But I have no complaint.

It's enough to dream
Dreams of the world
Rolling in ectasy at my feet
At my command
It has no choice
Nor do i.
But I have no complaint.
8/4/99

This is when the angel should fall from heaven
To sweep the woes of mortality away
But, as ought to be expected, it is missing, presumed with the fae.

It is not the throes which ail most men that ferment
It is the ones which lie sublime, until ennui and half an education conjure them up.

To be not hungry, that is the task of the normal man
But in my luck I have the chance to be full
The chance to achieve and the chance to find meaning:
To be sate beyond the realm of hunger for food.

In my hands I can love this world
And use it as it allows
In my chance I can,
And in my chance
I can throw it all away for happiness.
8/7/99

The morning was to erupt
With held in emotion
Which was misunderstood
And ignored.
A poem, the magistrate deems unfit
To express
A word, I deem unfit
A stoic gaze
Is the only expression
Of the emotions which transcend love
And other petty things
But it does not do justice to the message
Which rests heavy on my shoulders
Weighing me down,
Keeping me in my body.

8/12/99