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This is my newest religion that i created. You should join, if youre not a member already. I think as of now this is the biggest and fastest growing religion in america. Join now, membership is unlimited, you better hurry, eternal salvation isnt going to wait for you (nor are you going to get it from this religion).

Central beliefs:
The central belief being held by the dominant majority is that this category is not a real category and that the topic of central beliefs will be covered in a later segment entitled "the later segment".

Eccentric beliefs:
The eccentric beliefs of this non religion is that it is not a belief system, thus all of the beliefs are non-centered, even the underlying eccentricism. Accordingly, no two people are permitted to believe the same thing at the same moment in time or out of time. Believing the previous sentence is included in the eccentric belief clause. Violation of this rule will call for immediate non action.

Membership:
All members must first be initiated by one of the revered priests. These priests originally were limited to fast food workers and the people who ate the fast food, but since our membership has grown to record numbers we must expand the requirements for priestness. In order to become a priest you must not say 'I am a priest'. If you say you are a priest then you will just become a common member. To be initiated by a priest, the priest must look at you. If there are no priests in your area there is one other way to become an official member of this cult-if you eat food you are automatically a member.

The sacred and profane:
What is sacred is to never be talked or written about. Some things that are not to be talked or written about are: the words "the", "I", "a", "you", and "and". These words are mysterious, as for no one, as in me, knows where they originated. This is called the great myth of theiayouand, the myths secrets are never to be revealed because it is forbidden to mention them. Anyone who is caught mentioning them will not be released by the person that catches them. As for the profane, the profane is everything that is easy to explain and just common knowledge. Some examples are how the world was created and where you go when you die. For those of you who don't know, I'm not going to tell you.

The creation myth:
The world was created in 7 days. You see, day 1 had intercourse with day 2, they had two offsprings named day 3 and 4. Day 3 and 4 had two offsprings named 5 and 6. Day 5 and six had two offsprings named 7 and 8. However, due to so much inbreding day 8 died and day 7 had no one to procreate with. Hence, day 7 is the giant organism we live on and leach off of.

Where you go when you die:
Well, I'd say when you died you just went to dust, but then no one would like that. So, I'll tell you the truth. You go to a fantastic banquet with all sorts of uncanny guests. You get to dine with the worms, ants and a whole host of new and interesting creatures.

The later segment:
This section serves no purpose except to serve a purpose as serving a purpose would dictate that serving no purpose serves the purpose of serving no purpose, but that is false because this serves no purpose and true things can be false but this is not true-just completely false, but false things taste good, and things that taste good are yummy which leads me to the central belief that all things are not as cute as dogs.

Closing:
Closing.

-mike
"when in doubt fuck it,
when not in doubt get in doubt"